Post by DJKCairo on Apr 15, 2009 17:49:21 GMT -5
CAUGHT SPEEDING
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying b****** told you I was speeding too.
NO EARS
A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
2nd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."
3rd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."
The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"
3rd guy "Because you don't have any d**n ears to hang glasses on."
THREE BLONDES ON THEIR WAY TO HEAVEN
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"
The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want
to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and
calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior
officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this
car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car,
please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving
license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and
hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and
examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't
have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked
up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying b****** told you I was speeding too.
NO EARS
A guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
2nd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy responds, "Why, You don't have any ears."
Interviewer: "Get out! Send in the next guy."
This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy "What ever you do, don't say anything about his not having any ears - He'll kick you right out."
3rd guy walks in for his interview.
The interviewer asks, "Whats the first thing you notice about me?"
The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, "Why, you wear contact lenses don't you."
The interviewer says, "That's impressive that you're so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?"
3rd guy "Because you don't have any d**n ears to hang glasses on."
THREE BLONDES ON THEIR WAY TO HEAVEN
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.
God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.
So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.
The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.
But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.
God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"
The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"