Post by tango on Aug 15, 2008 10:34:51 GMT -5
Puns -- Old and New
>
> The ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest
> level of language development. Here are the 10 first place
> winners in the International Pun Contest:
>
> 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
> "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger." ;D
>
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
> other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
> a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
> again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 4.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost
> my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
> The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
> during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
> were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
> tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
> out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why?β they asked as they moved off. "Because,"
> he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
> open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
> them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain they
> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
> she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
> of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
> you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." ;D
>
> 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments,
> so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
> everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
> florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
> asked the good fathers to close down, but they would >
> not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
> ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
> the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
> and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
> didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
> proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
> time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
> feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
> and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
> made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
> halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one
> of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
>
> Quote of the day: "The most affectionate creature in
> the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce
>
>
> "Talking without thinking is like shooting without any
> ammunition"
>
> The ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest
> level of language development. Here are the 10 first place
> winners in the International Pun Contest:
>
> 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead
> raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says,
> "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per
> passenger." ;D
>
> 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
> other and says, "Dam!"
>
> 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
> a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
> again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
>
> 4.. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost
> my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
> The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
>
> 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
> during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
>
> 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
> were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
> tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
> out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
> why?β they asked as they moved off. "Because,"
> he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an
> open foyer."
>
> 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
> them goes to a family in Egypt and is named
> "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain they
> name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture
> of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture,
> she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture
> of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If
> you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." ;D
>
> 8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments,
> so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
> everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
> florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
> asked the good fathers to close down, but they would >
> not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
> ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
> the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
> "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars
> and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they
> didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby
> proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
> 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
> time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
> feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
> and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
> made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by
> halitosis.
>
> 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten
> different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one
> of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
>
> Quote of the day: "The most affectionate creature in
> the world is a wet dog." - Ambrose Bierce
>
>
> "Talking without thinking is like shooting without any
> ammunition"